


Something always bring me back to you

by straeon



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, M/M, also references to victoria and adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 02:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4083925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straeon/pseuds/straeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The drama between Victoria and Adam bring Robert and Aaron closer again but also drives them further apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something always bring me back to you

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this about a week ago so it's not entirely compliant with the canon and the spoilers but I wanted to post it in case it makes more sense with the fic after this, though that's not necessarily a sequel to this or anything.

“I’m sorry.”

Aaron looked up from the dinner he’d just made himself in an attempt to forget the disastrous events of the last few days (or rather, the last few months, really). He shook his head and sighed. Robert had been standing there for a minute or so, hovering really, and Aaron had been ignoring him. He’d said all he wanted to say to him earlier (or shouted, maybe). One day perhaps he wouldn’t live somewhere where an ex-something could just walk in whenever he liked.

“What else is new?” Aaron murmured, not giving Robert the satisfaction of any more of a reaction to his presence.

“I messed up, I know that,” Robert sighed and stepped forward hesitantly.

“Well,” Aaron shrugged as he sat down at the sofa with his meal. “It’s a day ending in ‘y’ so…”

“I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk to me,” Robert said, looking down. He at least seemed genuine but that didn’t change anything.

“What is it you actually want, exactly?” Aaron said, slamming down his can of beer and ignoring how it spilled over his hand.

“To apologise,” Robert said. “To make it up to you, for my idiot behaviour earlier.”

Aaron shook his head bitterly. “If you wanted to really make up for your actions, you’d be talking to Adam, or Victoria.”

“I have apologised to-“

“What you want is to twist this all into some way to get closer to me again, to see if you can wear me down to forgetting what sort of person you are,” Aaron told him angrily.

“That’s not what I’m doing at all,” Robert shook his head at him. “I just – I didn’t think of how this would affect you, us, and I – I’m sorry if I’ve made things worse between us. It’s the last thing I wanted to do.”

“Like you never think about how anything you do affects me, you mean?”

“No, like I never think through the consequences of my actions,” Robert admitted dejectedly.

“I would’ve been out of a job, with my best friend behind bars and my other friend, _your sister_ , in pieces, and your saying that you just didn’t think about that is meant to make me – what, just let it go, get over it? No, Robert, what this has all done is just confirm for me, again, that you’re not worth my time.”

“I’m just trying to explain,” Robert said, his voice raising to try to get through to Aaron.

Aaron had sat back after his rant to Robert, his beer back in his hand as he glared down to his knees and tried to not give Robert any more attention.

“Look,” Robert said as he sat across from Aaron, making him sigh in exasperation for maybe the 10th time in the last few minutes. “I – it’s not an excuse, but to _explain_ why I did what I did, I just was focussing on the end goal, wasn’t I? Which wasn’t to do anything to you, or to Adam even, I was thinking of _Victoria_. Yeah, she’s my sister, I don’t want to see her be hurt by Adam – _again_. You do remember that, right? He’s the one who cheated on her, got another woman pregnant?”

“That’s not for sure,” Aaron murmured, knowing the weakness in his words but not being able to stop himself from saying something in defence of his best friend.

“Fine, I get it, you have to think about him,” Robert said, even as his face showed he didn’t entirely get that, because he’d never hold Adam in such high regard. “And I have to think about Vic. All I see when I think about her wanting to run away with him is all her dreams, all she could achieve with her life, going out the window. And yeah, her in pieces when he jumps into someone else’s bed the next time he doesn’t get what he wants.”

“As if you can talk,” Aaron shot at him.

“C’mon Aaron,” Robert laughed humourlessly. “Do you really think him ending up in bed with some older vet is anything like what we have?”

“Had,” Aaron said, shooting him another glare.

“What we have now is still so much stronger than what they had in one pathetic, disgusting night. And he broke my sister’s heart for that,” Robert finished angrily.

“He made a mistake,” Aaron said emphatically, sitting up properly to look Robert in the face as he continued in seriousness. “You know what that’s like, and so do I, and neither of us would be here if we didn’t get second chances every time we messed up.”

Robert considered his words for a moment but then shook his head, still locking eyes with Aaron. “She deserves better.”

“You know what your problem is?” Aaron said, sitting back with obvious bitterness across his face and in his tone. “You just can’t imagine being in her place. You could never imagine loving someone that much and that _selflessly_. No, when you’re with someone, anyone, all you care about is what’s in it for you. Chrissie’s just a way to get married, live in that fancy house with your piles of money while you stick your head in the sand about who you really are - what you are. And I’m just a way to satisfy a part of you you’ve hidden away for all these years, that you’re going to keep denying so you can keep your shiny cars.”

“That’s not-” Robert tried to argue but was interrupted as Aaron continued his tirade.

“You can’t imagine wanting to be with someone so much, to love someone more than you love yourself, enough to leave everything for them. For _just_ that to be enough; just each other,” Aaron finished, looking away from Robert again.

“You really don’t know me as much as you think you do, you know,” Robert said quietly, his voice having gotten hoarse.

“I don’t think I know you,” Aaron said with a shake of his head. “I don’t waste my time trying any more.”

“Victoria’s too young to be throwing her life away and do not make that, her life, about you, or us,” Robert said, louder, forcing Aaron to pay attention to him as he leant forward and refused to be shut out by him.

“Then don’t make this all about you!” Aaron argued back.

“I’m not!” Robert nearly shouted, forgetting for a moment where they were, which was so close to a lot of people they probably knew.

“You don’t want to see anybody else getting what you can’t have, what you won’t let yourself have,” Aaron said, in a quieter anger than Robert’s, reminding him of how he’d spoken to him in this same spot some weeks ago, before he’d walked away from him.

“Are you forgetting what I said to you? I would’ve left all of this, with you!” Leaning closer to Aaron’s face, he could see the feeling that was still there for him and didn’t hide the emotion in his own face either.

“That wasn’t real,” Aaron said, not caring about the sparkling in Robert’s eyes. “And you’d already lost everything. You’re hardly gonna make that same offer now, when you’ve got your perfect little life back, are ya?” He did look Robert in the face when he asked that and immediately saw what he already knew, that of course he wouldn’t.

“It isn’t perfect,” Robert pressed on however.

“Yeah, I’m really torn up about that.”

“Not without you,” Robert said softly.

“Will you just save it?!” Aaron replied angrily. “I don’t want to hear any of this again, I’m not going to be your bit on the side, while you stay married to someone else and keep denying who you are.”

“I’m not denying who I am,” Robert insisted. “Why can’t you believe that I love you, for you, not just because you’re a man?”

“But you’d never admit that to anyone else, would you?” Aaron said, leaning forward to look him in the face. “And I deserve better than that.”

Of course Robert couldn’t resist reaching out to Aaron in their closeness, as he moved his hand to stroke the soft hair on the other man’s face, lining his thumb over his former lover’s trembling bottom lip as he looked into his wet eyes.

“I love you,” Robert repeated. “There’s never going to be any other man, you know that, right?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Aaron said. He clenched his jaw as he resolved to not react to any of Robert’s advances, any of his sweet words, but he didn’t pull away either.

“I’m not saying that to get anything from you, Aaron,” Robert said sincerely, searching Aaron’s face and hoping for a sign that Aaron did believe him. “I just want you to know that. To know what you mean to me, which isn’t just a way of satisfying some supressed desired or sexuality. That nothing I did today was meant to hurt you. Nothing I’ve done in the past was meant to hurt you…”

Aaron shrugged tearfully and, noticing the emotion he was letting show to Robert despite wanting to seem unaffected by him still, which clearly had failed, he got up to leave.

“Wait,” Robert said as he stopped him instantly with a hand on his wrist, gently stroking the soft skin as he looked up into Aaron’s face, who tried to avert his eyes from him still, but he waited. “Tell me you believe that I love you.”

Aaron scoffed and turned away again, though that was mostly to hide the tear that fell onto his cheek.

“I love you,” Robert said, emphasizing each word as he pulled Aaron back to him by the waist, made him look at him and see the meaning in his words. “I don’t care if we’re… together or not, I need you to believe tha-”

His emotion-filled expression was interrupted as Aaron bent down and kissed him roughly, pressing his hands firmly around Robert’s neck, with pure desperation to feel him and taste him, a desire that never fully went away, no matter how much he tried to logic it away. Taken aback for a moment, his eyebrows raised and taking a sharp intake of breath, Robert quickly reacted to pull Aaron’s surprisingly small body closer to him, a knee being lifted to the table around him as he clamped Aaron against him. Another hand went to his face, stroking away the wetness on his cheek as he kissed him more gently, as desperate for him too but still needing to show him what he meant to him. Aaron’s arms wrapped around him as he pressed closer against him, Robert’s hand stroking through his hair, feeling how it had grown since the last time he’d been with him and was softer between his long fingers.

At last, Aaron pushed him away, with both hands flat on his chest, forcing himself away from with a visible effort, as Robert’s forehead still rested against his and closely watched his face.

“You did though,” Aaron whispered at last.

“What?” Robert asked, still stroking his hand over his face, wanting to bring him back to him with sweet words and caresses.

“You did hurt me,” Aaron said, with a stronger and harder voice, pushing Robert’s hand away and wiping his face furiously. “I don’t even give a toss if you meant to or not – like I said, I’ve given up trying to figure you out. It just doesn’t matter. You hurt me, and you did it again and again.”

“I _didn’t_ mean-”

“Because you don’t even care to think about how your actions affect anyone else. How anything you do affects _me_. And I,” Aaron looked down, awkwardly pushed himself away from Robert, trying to ignore the pang he felt in his chest as he separated his body from his, with an empty space between them that seemed to mock him as it reminded him of the space between them, in what had been some sort of relationship. “I don’t need that. I don’t need you, or your twisted version of love. If you loved me, in the way that I deserve it, you would make yourself think about how this all affects me. You would care before you see that you’ve ‘messed things up’ between us again.”

“You’re not gonna storm out?” Robert asked, his voice weaker as he looked for any sign that Aaron still cared about him, wanted him, which was obviously still there beneath his harsh words.

“No,” Aaron shook his head. “I have my supper,” he said, motioning his head to his plate of food and beer can. “Probably cold now, thanks.”

“So,” Robert trailed off.

“So you should leave,” Aaron said decisively. “Just go back home. Lie in the bed you made and all that,” he said as he sat down and turned his attention to finding the tv remote control in the corners of the sofa, pointedly away from Robert.

“Fine,” Robert said with obvious bitterness in his voice as he got up and Aaron felt a mix of relief and regret that he wasn’t going to stay and maybe try again to win him back, to maybe succeed. His eyes followed Robert as he made his way to leave, hesitantly and slowly for a moment.

“Go find Victoria,” were Aaron’s last words to Robert before he did leave. “Make it up to her and maybe actually listen to what _she_ wants before you nearly ruin her life again for her.”

Robert sighed as he left, kicking himself over all of his stupid decisions, again, but resolving to make it up to Victoria, before his relationship with her was also left in tatters that he couldn’t mend back together however hard he tried.


End file.
